Cute Funny Quotes

This is a collection of cute quotes which are the tops for making you smile!

“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”
~William Blake

“Resentment is like a glass of poison that a man drinks; then he sits down and waits for his enemy to die.”
~ Nelson Mandela.

“Know all and you will pardon all.”
~ Thomas A’Kempis

“If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance.”
~Bern Williams

“Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They’re shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they’re gone.”
~ The Notebook (movie)

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.”
~Mitch Hedberg

“The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.”
~W. M. Lewis

“Death row is a state of mind.”
~Doris Ann Foster

“To perceive is to suffer.”
~Aristotle

Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all.
~Stanley Horowitz

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.
~George Eliot

“The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let you live.”
~Unknown

“We don’t stop loving someone, we simply learn to live without them.”
~Unknown

“I would like to stay a secret, like walking in the dark, if no one knows you, no one cares and no one breaks your heart.”
Unknown

“If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go.”
~Unknown

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Would You Rather

There is this great new site called would you rather quiz. I have had so much fun randomly figuring out what I would rather choose from a list of two possibilities.

It is the best site of the millenium!

Lol!

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Funny 30 Rock Quotes

1. Kenneth: I know how you like this cornbread Mr. Jordan.

Tracy: LIKE it? I love this cornbread so much I wanna take it back behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

2. Devon: You familiar with the Church of Practicology?
Jack: You mean the cult that was invented by Stan Lee?
Devon: No, I mean the religion founded by the alien king living inside Stan Lee.

3. Tracy: Kenneth should have given you the code word.
Jesse: What?
Tracy: That’s it!

4. Tracy: Doctor Spaceman, when they check my DNA, will they tell me what diseases I might get, or help me to remember my ATM pin code?
Dr. Spaceman: Absolutely. Science is whatever we want it to be. I’ll let you know as soon as we have the results.
Tracy: I already know the results, the kid is not mine!
Dr. Spaceman: Boy, it’s crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Different time, the ’60s.

5. Devin: Celebrity snuff. Reality content made exclusively for your mobile phone: Oh what’s that? MC Lyte just murdered Danny Bonaduce? Thanks, PHONE.

6. Jack: This ought to prove my mother wrong, saying Donaghy is Gaelic for failure. What the hell does she know, she’s a Murphy; Bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.

7. Jenna: If the president is so serious about the war on terror, why doesn’t he hunt down and capture Barack Obama before he strikes again?

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Funny Woody Allen Quotes

I’m short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
(Play it Again Sam)

I’m really a timid person – I was beaten up by Quakers.
(Sleepers)

My brain – it’s my second favorite organ.
(Sleeper)

Q. Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything?
A. Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.
(Sleeper)

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
(Getting Even, ‘My Philosophy’)

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
(New Yorker, ‘My Philosophy’)

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Funny Albert Einstein Quotes

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

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Random Funny Quotes

Ideas don’t stay in some minds very long because they don’t like solitary confinement.

If there is a “WILL”, there are 500 relatives.

“Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.” – Al Bundy

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