My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
-Milton Berle
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car.
She called and said,“There was water in the carburetor.”
I asked her, “Where’s the car?”
She replied, “In the lake.”
-Henny Youngman
Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
Oscar Wilde
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Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
Oscar Wilde
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The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.
Jeanne-Marie Roland
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On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.
Bruce Willis
Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.
G. K. Chesterton
I don’t care what is written about me as long as it isn’t true.
Katherine Hepburn
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service – Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?